Tuck In Those Pants!
From Frank Snively, Buena Vista, Colorado

Funny, this is something I found out only last weekend; you'd have thought it would have been obvious many years ago. It takes a long moment of panic to press even the simplest ideas into my aging noggin. Let's hope this story saves you similar trouble.

So what is the great revelation? If you want to avoid getting stranded in a particularly nasty and embarrassing way, you have to wear the right clothing. And configure it properly. ALWAYS TUCK THE PANTS INTO THE BOOTS!! Well, maybe the reasons aren't obvious to the reader; after all, they weren't obvious to me.

What happened was this: I was on a group ride, specifically the fine rally put on by the British Motorcycle Association of Colorado (thanks to Pat and the other club members). The rally took us on what amounted to a nice club sponsored tour of El Paso County, with some challengingquestions and instructions to make us pay attention to our surroundings. After getting kind of lost and kind of confused - that's the idea of a rally - I joined the other riders at the home of one of the members for food and fellowship. The motorcycle was parked amidst the others, the surplus layers were packed away, and I went to join the crowd.

It was a lot of fun eating and chatting with the other folks. Then I remembered something I wanted from the bike, and went over to unlock the bag to get it out. For that I need the key. Guess what! Except for a rather conspicuous hole, the pocket was empty. The pants of my riding suit have four pockets. One had a wallet. Thank goodness for small favors. My riding jacket has 7 pockets. I did find a 5 mm Allen wrench hidden away, and some wadded lint which might have entered storage as facial tissue or toilet tissue, but had turned into a gray blob. No
key.

Old habits reasserted themselves, and I tried every “find the key” trick I'd learned, beginning with retracing every step. No luck, but I sure know every detail of the hosts’ house now. After what was probably 5 minutes - though it seemed a lifetime - of rising panic, I started to think a bit. Suppose that instead of my mislaying the key or having it fall out, it had really gone through the hole in the pocket?

So, I went to a clear spot, and removed the boot into which the riding pants were tucked. Success! A key and 37 cents worth of change fell to the clear patio. What a relief.

Someone might comment that there are other solutions. Phooey. Anyone who never gets a hole in the pocket is lying and probably gets around by hot wiring stolen bikes, anyhow. I'm neither a Scotsman nor a cross dresser, so carrying a purse (or sporran) isn't an answer, either.

Before getting to the end of this little tale, I'd better explain why a missing key was such a problem. I didn't have a Brit Bike, but was riding my BMW. There was a good reason for that. The good reason was that it was 23F when I left the house. At that temperature I need someelectrical heating, and the poor old Lucas alternator can't cope. The electrical garments became surplus layers at the end of the rally, but they were a necessity in the morning. The BMW needs lots of electricity to run the computer and the brakes and the lights and all that stuff, and there's enough left over to heat the rider. Problem is, with no key, there's no juice from the switch. It's tough to bypass that switch without the key. First, you have to unlock some things to get at thetools, and only then can you get at the wires. And physical access to the wires doesn't tell you what to grab. Take a look at a wiring schematic for a BMW and tell me how to bypass the switches. I bet you won't even try.

Antique Brit bikes are far more friendly, that way. With the trusty Norton, the key is a mild convenience, that's all. I know where the wire comes out of the battery, and I know where the wire goes to the ignition. I installed them myself. No key? No problem. Hook up the ignition. Of course the electric starter won't run. There never was one in the first place. Ditto for the fuel injection computer. Turn on gas, kick, and go. That's all. (OK, don't lecture me on security..that's the official reason I keep the Norton so dingy nobody would want it anyhow.)

But even then, it's easier with the key. So I'll keep my pants tucked into my boots from now on.